On DVD: “Step Up 3(D)” or “Shirtless Men: A Love Story” by Matilda Dixon-Smith

Posted on January 3, 2011

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I love a barely-concealed Australian accent. You can’t fool me Sharni Vinson of Home and Away fame, you PRETENDER. You are not “from New York but grew up in London”! You are from SUMMER BAY and when you went to Summer Bay High you wore too much fake tan.

Sharni Vinson con MUCHO fake tan in "Home and Away"

So apparently “dance battles” are a thing now. I know because in Step Up 3(D), just three minutes after ex-dancer Moose’s parents are all “Oh son, I’m so glad you’re done with all that dancing HOOEY and you’re doing something sensible like engineering at NYU”, he’s caught in a vicious dance battle involving balloons. Then Moose gets in trouble for messing with the dude’s balloons whilst DEFENDING HIMSELF IN A FULL-ON DANCE BATTLE WITH A STRANGER and Attractive Luke helps him run away from the police. So, of course, now he’s in the Pirates dance gang. Good. The big World Jam is coming up and now that Moose is a GANGMEMBER he has to help Attractive Luke and a Wise African Man to stop the Pirates’ lair (called The Vault – a swanky warehouse conversion) from being repossessed by “The Bank”. Enter Sharni Vinson. Phwoar. She’s got a RIG on her. Lots of dancing happens. Sharni Vinson has a thing for midriff tops, and Attractive Luke, a penchant for being shirtless, so obviously they fall in love. Moose is super mean to his best friend and FORGETS TO DRESS UP AS ASHLEY OLSEN FOR A COSTUME PARTY. Attractive Luke (who thinks he is a bohemian, and also a film-maker) waves his camera in people’s faces and dialogues about being BFAB – “born from a boombox”. THEN, the Pirates’ arch-nemesis dance-gang, the Samuris, ambush Moose in a bathroom for a group dance battle.

Sharni Vinson and Attractive Luke...being all in love

I am devastated that the DVD of Step Up 3(D) isn’t in 3D (so it’s just called Step Up 3). Where’s the fun, John Chu director? In case you haven’t realised yet, this movie is AMAZING. They have this great thing where they pretend gravity doesn’t exist. If I stood over an air vent and dripped bits of slushie it would NOT float up into the sky Attractive Luke, don’t you pretend it will! They can DANCE, and to prove it they all wear one leg of their trackies pushed up to their knee (because that’s what DANCERS do). There is a cute scene where Moose and his best friend (fake Ashley Olsen girl) dance in the street, and it’s cute. I have been a total fan of the Step Up franchise since the beginning (when Channing Tatum wore baggy clothes and did ballet). Each movie just gets better, hence the joy of the experience.

B-FABB...and sick moves!!

Final verdict? I hope there’s a Step Up 4 (though I don’t know where we can go after “the biggest dance battle in the WORLD” – Universe Jam on Mars, perhaps?) because by THE LAWS OF PHYSICS (or something) it has to be better than Step Up 3(D). And Step Up 3(D) is pretty darn spectacular. So you just go to the video shop and rent the heck out of this movie.

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Posted in: Movies