The Quest for the Worst Movie Ever Made: Part 1 by Matilda Dixon-Smith

Posted on January 11, 2011

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I feel like I have been on a search for the worst movie of all-time for a while now. I have seen some SHOCKING movies. I have seen Band Slam with Vanessa Hudgens (which was actually pretty entertaining). I’ve seen Letters to Juliet (Chris Egan was not meant for the films, or to pretend he is British). I’ve seen Ice Princess. I have even seen Camp Rock 2: The Final Jam (Demi Lovato’s GIANT mouth – I’ll say no more).

Demi Lovato's HUGE mouth (and bonus crazy eyes)...

I’m not sure yet, I can’t call off the search until it’s confirmed, I think we found the worst movie. I give you: Alexis Bledel in Post Grad.

Poster for Post Grad...see? Cute, right? You can see how I was sucked in...

We were lucky we got this movie for free from Blockbuster because they lost the final disc of Beverly Hills, 90210 (depriving us of being able to watch Dylan and Brenda do it and then make a big deal out of it). If I had paid for it, the whole thing would’ve been so much worse. It had been calling me, on the shelf, with Alexis Bledel looking all cute and Post Grad-y on the cover. I had to rent it, I had to know. Lord, what a FOOL I was. I haven’t really understood how poorly-written a film can be until know. Dull. SO dull, people! I just don’t know who okay-ed this movie. Who came to work one day, most likely drunk, and thought this film was a good idea? That person should suffer.

Look, look at Brandon from the cast of Beverly Hills, 90210...dang you, Blockbuster Brunswick!

Don’t even – it is WAY worse than it sounds. Alexis Bledel is a “smart” girl who wants to be a publisher and has a video blog about NOTHING that you have to watch for the first 5 minutes of the movie. She is annoying. Already, things do not bode well for Post Grad. Also, her name is Ryden Malby, which is not a name. She has a best friend who is in love with her. Instead of revealing to us IN A TIMELY MANNER that Best Friend is in love with her, like any normal screenwriter might do, Best Friend tells us himself right at the start, totally right in front of her, and she gets all awkward about it. Ryden Malby supposedly has it all figured out when she graduates from college – but no one will hire her to be a publisher so she has to move back home with her “eccentric” family and SUFFER.

Boo. Seriously, the girl turns up her nose at working in a luggage store just because she has to wear a stupid outfit and climb a step ladder. The family is SO not eccentric. Her mother is the fabulous Jane Lynch and yet they still can’t pull off wacky family. Alexis Bledel, who has never offended me before, OFFENDED me. Best Friend is NOT EVEN ATTRACTIVE, so I wasn’t rooting for them to get together. Which they do. I would feel bad about ruining it for you, but from 1 1/2 minutes in, this fact is no secret. It was poorly written, with clunky, un-funny characters and a super-lame message: “it doesn’t matter if you’re super successful: if no one loves you, you are pathetic and should kill yourself immediately with booze and razors”. The only two good lines in the film are from Carol Burnett; everything else is not worth watching.

BEST FRIEND and Alexis Bledel, displaying some characteristic luke-warm sentiment...

When I find the person that gave this film the green-light, I’m going to strap them to a chair and make them watch Post Grad. Then I’m going to say “See? Now you know how you made people suffer. Now YOU know how it feels.” I imagine it will be quite satisfying.

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Posted in: Classics, Movies