‘Hello…Miss, Where are You Going?’ by Hannah Crone

Posted on February 16, 2011


Much like in Melbourne, there is no Starbuck’s in the Domestic terminal at the Bangkok International airport, and as a result Anna and I have resorted to drinking ‘Iced Frappe’s’ from The Coffee Club, at the Food Stop, touted as being ‘the only restaurant in Domestic’, as though it is more than just a fact. Don’t read me wrong here, Anna and I are no Starbuck’s fanatics, but last night at 2am some loud mouth retard Americans came back to the hotel and woke us up. We left for the airport at 8am. Sleep deprivation by American Accent is painful enough, without waking up to find that there are no banana pancakes at breakfast, and no Starbuck’s at the airport. Yes, life is hard for us right now.

Bangkok was great. This ‘review’ will be a little less detailed than the last, perhaps because I have been to Bangkok before, but mostly because Anna is in a bad mood without her Starbuck’s and isn’t helping me like last time.

I guess the first thing anyone should be made aware of almost as soon as you step off the plane in Bangkok, is TRUST NO ONE!!!! Anna and I cannot count on two hands how many times people have tried to con us out of our money! Just five minutes ago, Airport staff were directing us through security and I felt like I was being scammed because he asked us where we were going. On the way to the Palace the other day we had people literally throwing corn at us to try and make us pay us for it. While I am strong willed and walked away, with all of my money, and dignity in tact, Anna had to be rescued by two of the fattest and hairiest lesbians I’ve ever seen*.

Beautiful Thailand.

While the markets in KL were full of many high quality designer rip-offs, the markets in Bangkok, were just plain full! Sampeng lane in China town, was amazing, little India and Pratanam markets all brought us some nice purchases. And we also had a great time in the Shopping Malls too. Siam Paragon, Discvery, MBK, Gaysom, etc. saw us back to our old tricks in Top Shop, GAP, ZARA and XXI Forever.

I feel like this is a good time to add, I have fallen in love, twice! I know, slutty, right? but there are some things you can only do in Bangkok! Like, for example, buy a Marc by Marc Jacobs backpack, or an Issey Miyake ‘Pleats Please’ bag. Well, I haven’t bought the Issey Miyake bag yet, but If I am to take a lover (if you are to imagine me saying this, think Carrie in season 6), in Singapore, her bag will surely be it.

Issey and Marc, darling!

We really indulged in Bangkok. Pedicures, manicures and massages all left me feeling very pampered, refreshed and relaxed. I am typing this now, with lovely french tips, that cost me all of $5! Anna, on the other hand, opted for Thai massage, which basically means someone slamming you against a bed with all of their body weight, while simultaneously folding you up like an origami frog using their elbows. She hurts now.

One final note, which is of nearly no relevance to anything, is that Thai people seem to be able to sleep anywhere. My favourite two positions so far have been half in, half out of a raised garden bed, and face down on the pavement, hands by your side, feet in the gutter.

* I told you, Anna isn’t helping me, so I can say whatever I want!

Posted in: Travel