Joanna Ward on the Forbidden Fruit

Posted on February 23, 2011

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Okay, so I’m not one of those brilliantly creative people who sit down at their computers every day and write an entry for a blog they created. Wow, that makes blog-writers sound like massive nerds. Maybe they are. Anyway, I’m also not that computer technology savvy…come to think of it, I ask my 15-year-old sister how to refresh the internet so it works.

Anyway, I was asked a few months ago to be a part of this new blog, ‘You’re Dripping Egg’. To be completely honest with you, what attracted me to this wasn’t the fact that I could write about whatever I wanted whenever I wanted; I just thought the name was really cool. Actually, it reminds me of when Mum used to give me hard boiled eggs for lunch at school, and I loved them…until one day when she hadn’t cooked the egg properly, and the yolk dripped all over my school uniform and I smelt like gooey egg for the rest of the day. Anyway, I haven’t got around to writing my entry for YDE until now. Obviously. But the only reason why I have is that Matilda-Dixon Smith, or Walter as I like to call her (Waltzing Matilda, Walter, obvious connection, right?) gave me a train ticket that is hopefully going to save me from a $176 fine from the Department of Transport. God I hate inspectors, they’re like death eaters.

More to the point. Today, I’m going to talk about apples. I’ve been living at College for the past two years, and before living on campus I only liked one type of apple; Pink Lady. They’re just so Snow White red, shiny and crunchy, and they very rarely disappoint. I was never a fan of green apples; I found them too sour, and honestly, when you think of an apple in your head, do you think of it as red or green? Red. Definitely.

Green or Red?

At College, we were given whatever apples were most in season. I’m a huge fan of apples, I love crunching them whilst studying and they’re easy to carry around with a drink bottle and they fit easily in your bag. They’re also sweet, but healthy at the same time. Win win, right? Anyway. Transgressing again. Basically, the Alliance staff at the College provided us with almost every variety of apple that people are familiar with: Granny Smith, Pink Lady, Fuji and Golden Delicious. I am here to give you a run-down of the colour, and the crunch, crisp, sweet/bitter factor of each of these apple varieties.

The Granny Smith. If you’re a green apple fan, you’ll love this one. It’s very green, crisp and tart. Superb crunch factor on the ol’ granny, and once you’ve swallowed down that skin, the Smith reveals is pearly white flesh. Yummo. Every bite gives a good cruunncchh and then you’ve got that sweet yet bitter center all over again. The only bad thing about these oldies is that sometimes their waxy, shiny surface is deceiving. You think you’re going to rate 10 on the crunch, but no. You’ll bite into it and it’ll be floury. The way to avoid this is to give each one a good squeeze before you pick it out. That sounds like having a go at your blackheads…wow, that’s put me off the Smith’s for a while.

Ol' Granny Smith

Onto the Fuji. It sounds cool, rolls off the tongue nicely, and if it were a place it would be Fiji. Mainly because it sounds and looks like Fuji. Whatever. Tall, rectangular, medium size, yellowish green skin with an orangish red flush and darker stripes. Crisp, juicy white flesh. Yup, the typical Fuji apple. BUT don’t let its cool name lure you. These babies are more often than not floury. Yes, it’s like the hot guy with the cool name you meet and then after a conversation with him you realise he quit school and is now an electrician. Or like when you think you scored big time because you found the chocolate your mum hid, only to realise that it’s orange-infused. Yuck.

The Fuji's on their tree (possibly somewhere in the tropics..?)

Golden Delicious. Neither golden nor delicious. Yellow isn’t gold. They’re little yellow balls of flour. Thin skin, no crunch, too sweet and way to floury. If you like these, you should be ashamed to call yourself an apple-lover. It’s like saying you’ve got an amazing taste in music and then revealing that your favourite song is “Achy Breaky Heart” by Billy Ray Cyrus.

Golden Delicious, a serious misnomer!

Finally, the Pink Lady. Oblong, pinky-red with a nice beige flesh. Very sweet. When these little ladies are crisp and crunchy, they’re like the Brad Pitt or Megan Fox of the apples. Yes, they’re the envy of most apples. But occasionally, you bite into them and they’re a bit too sweet…on the fermenting side. Or, they can be a tad floury…I’d almost say soggy. Like when you realize that Brad Pitt has wrinkles. Or like how Megan Fox got botox and tattoos and is now way less hot. Still, Megan Fox with botox and Brad Pitt with wrinkles are pretty hot. So I suppose the Pink Lady remains my choice of apple.

Over and out.

Jo Ward's Holy Grail of apples...The Pink Lady

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Posted in: Food