New York City: I Am Weather’s Bitch by Matilda Dixon-Smith

Posted on March 9, 2011

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I totally went to New York in February. Read about it…

As the song from “Kourtney and Kim Take New York” goes “I’m in New York, bitch!”…or something.

I had drastically romantic notions about winter in New York City. Flurries of fluffy snow; stomping down 5th Avenue in a big, cuddly cashmere coat and a pair of seriously stylish leather boots; an enchanting skating escapade in Central Park (perhaps with a mysterious, sexy stranger who quite resembles Jake Gyllenhaal). New York City, or more specifically New York City Weather, had other ideas. It wanted only to expose my fanciful imagining for the pure, idealistic stupidity that it was. That selfish bitch.

Yeah, it looks cold, doesn’t it?

New York City is still New York City (i.e. still awesome). I feel totally bad complaining about something as pedestrian as the weather. However, it’s hard to attract Sexy Stranger when (because of the cold) you’re waddling down 5th Avenue wrapped in a hideous Michelin man-style down coat, tripping over your worn-out snow boots. Dressed like that, you deserve merely to skate around the Bryant Park rink with your little sister (and to discover that you’re actually not very good at ice-skating, and if Sexy Stranger was there, he’d be laughing at you). There was snow, but not soft, picturesque flurries. No, no; instead of sticking out my tongue to catch a stray flake, I was scampering over piles of dirty, solid snow-ice on every street corner in Manhattan. Luckily, being a Sydney native, the sight of snow is still pretty exciting, even if it is soot-blackened.

Some happy Central Park ice skaters…

Too bad, my mawkish notions were quashed by evil Weather. New York Weather may be a dozy cow (especially after some nasty tricks in JFK airport that meant my flight was seriously delayed to and from NYC), but New York is a coveted destination for a reason. I exercised my best sophisticated, wondering, artistic wankery in the MoMA, the Met and the Guggenheim (I also LOLed at the HI-larious stuffed animals in the Museum of Natural History). The museums are good because you can shed your hideous puffy coats and show off that you have some slight fashion sense beneath. Guggenheim has good ramps (and Kandinsky), and MoMA has a killer store.

Dang, check out the curves on that thang!

I totally did the Broadway thing. I did the heck out of it. I hunkered down and watched me some plays and musicals. Memphis, the 2010 Tony winner, was definitely a favourite – wonderful costumes, dancers and sets with a snappy, fun book. Broadway was also kind in providing some good eye-candy, in the form of SERIOSULY ATTRACTIVE OUT-OF-WORK ACOTRS MOONLIGHTING AS WAITERS. Although eating in America basically means you immediately gain 5 kilograms (those peeps love their butter sauces and their deep fryers), dang, those waiters are banging.

Lucky we walked a tonne. The subway, however generally effective, is gross. If you can handle it, walking instead is advised. You may not be able turn heads in the manner of a well-dressed ingénue, but you can imagine you are Holly Golightly, or Blair Waldorf (or Deborah Kerr – not in her wheelchair) as you stroll through Central Park. In the park, the snow is actually pretty, and it’s about as close as one comes to the desired Romanticism. Walking also leads to window shopping (and actual shopping). I am now the proud owner of a serious shopping addiction (and a lot of extra stuff to try and shove in my wardrobe). True Sportsgirl loyalist at heart, I totally dug on Urban Outfitters.

Groovy Lower East Side

I recommend trekking to the top of one monument: The Rockefeller Center/Empire State Building types. Personally, I prefer the less prestigious Top of the Rock, as the elevator is bitching. Also, don’t be a tool, go and gawk at Times Square. Guide books (and general knobs) might be right in calling it a gaudy commercial eyesore, but it’s also TOTALLY COOL. Plus, Bubba Gump Shrimp is there! GUUUUUYS!!!!

The view from the Top of the Rock

PRETTY, PRETTY LIGHTS!

HAVE A CUPCAKE. There are so many cupcakes. Seriosuly. EAT ONE (I would recommend the classic Red Velvet).

For me, the highlight of this trip, besides the aforementioned, was walking along the High Line (a disused railway line that has been turned into a unique high-rise park). It is quite special and you’ll get a good view of the trendy Meatpacking/Chelsea district, and the piers.

Enjoying the High Line, in my GIANT PUFFY COAT (see, SEE how unattractive they are??)

New York is perfect. I don’t care if Weather and I are no longer on speaking terms, or that I spent more time taking layers on and off in stores than doing anything else. I may not have my Sexy Stranger but I have a smart collection of Playbills, virtual crushes on every hot waiter in Manhattan, a killer new pair of shoes, and a handy, insulating few extra kilograms.

Yes, go there.

All pictures (except the Memphis promo shot) were taken by MY MOTHER, Janet Dixon-Smith, on our ACTUAL HOLIDAY. So y’all just took a Virtual Dixon-Smith Holiday.

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Posted in: Travel