Will Kay: Eurovision Song Contest 2013 by Category

Posted on May 23, 2013


Every year the Eurovision Song Contest never fails to entertain. While this year didn’t quite reach the heights of the previous few years, it did manage to deliver the mix of confusion, ironic pleasure and legitimate pleasure that is the hallmark of Eurovision. This year Eurovision was held in Malmo in Sweden after Sweden’s Loreen won the 2012 Eurovision. The weird unifying diplomacy between European countries through song is the subject of many doctoral theses, but Eurovision also has all of the rhinestones and backup dancers dressed entirely in white that you could desire. I think the one characteristic that this years Eurovision lacked was acts that maintained the diversity that we have come to expect. For example there was nothing like Loreen and her song “Euphoria”, the winner of last years Eurovision (well there was but it was a very cheap imitation in Cascada for Germany), which you could enjoy for what it was. But it definitely did deliver in the following ways:

The Best Entrance 

Alyona Lanskaya (Belarus) birthed from a disco ball in a sparkly fringed flapper dress is the best first impression you could ask for, in my opinion. However, the relationship between the entrance and the rest of the performance was confusing and ultimately disappointing because the prospect of a shimmying disco number is far greater than the bore that was Belarus’ actual performance.

The Best Country that didn’t Make the Final

Montenegro was robbed. Who See brought some thing new to Eurovision in rapping. Rap and Serbian (I am pretty sure) seems to be a perfect match and not forced. The spacemen rapping was also for some reason a great idea. While the singer was brilliant, the rapping was out of sync in the second verse. But overall to me it seemed such an enjoyable song and performance. PS They have a Dragonball Z power reader thingo as part of the performance.

Dragonball Z’s Vegeta wears a power reader thingo.

The Worst Country that Made the Final

Lithuania’s entry Andrius Pojavis gives a thoroughly boring song and performance. I get that he is pretty, but that is the only thing going for this act. The lyrics of the song rival that of Britanny of Glee’s “My Cup” song.

The Eyebrows

Many of the male entrants to Eurovision this year had serious eyebrows.

Belgium’s Roberto Bellarosa “eyebrows fighting fringe” as correctly noted by Sam Pang, one of SBS’s Eurovision commentators.

Azerbaijan’s Farid Mammadov’s good looks are accented with extreme eyebrow.

These eyebrows from Malta be saying “How you doin’?”

Greece gives the most eyebrow.

Italy’s Marco Mengoni with his eyebrows.

The lead singer of Armenian entrant Dorians wins the eyebrows competition.

The Gayest Performance

This is a situation where a society (Azerbaijan) that doesn’t even consider gayness as existing has produced something that to us is patently gay. It is the equivalent of everyone not knowing that George Michael was gay in the 80s, when now it seems so obvious. Here is an explanation of the performance:

Farid Mammadov, the Azerbaijani entrant struggling with his closeted homosexuality.

The Most Controversal

The controversial entry this year is that of Finland not only because of the gay wedding (which in Russia would have been classed as homosexual propaganda which carries prison terms) but also because of the blow to feminism when you consider that the singer, Krista Siegfrids, wrote this for her boyfriend. What is interesting is that this kiss will be broadcast in many countries where homosexuality is socially unacceptable, as the entirety of the Eurovision must be broadcast in a country in order for it to enter the competition in the subsequent year.

The Most Catchy Song

Belgium’s Roberto Bellarosa has a seriously creepy delivery of this amazingly catchy song. I have had it stuck in my head ever since I first heard it a week or so ago. Thankfully for me it is one of the better songs at this years Eurovision.

The Most Confusing (My Favourite)

This is what we’d like to think Eurovision is all about. In fact, this is about twice as strange as the next strangest entrant. Romania’s Cezar does something that I consider incredibly difficult, he has a lot of different ideas and types of music in the one performance yet it isn’t jarring. It is confusing but not jarring. All of the elements are ones that I particularly enjoy pop-opera, dubstep, counter tenor, nearly naked dancers, Dracula (Transylvania is in Romania), large collars, glowing crystal stalactites and rising pneumatic platforms. It is the truest case of more is more.

The Better Songs

Margaret Berger, the Norwegian entrant, has a commercial Bjork-like voice which makes this song which could be a bit basic work quite successfully. Her performance, dress and beauty also add to the success this song.

Robin Stjernberg, the host country Sweden’s entrant, has quite an exciting song in “You” and his performance is pretty decent. It gets better the more you listen to it. Twin backup dancers lol.

The Winner

The winner of this year’s Eurovision is Emmelie de Forest of Denmark. The tin flute and drums are quite successful in this performance. In many ways this folksy performance is quite inoffensive and the Emmelie de Forest has a strong stage presence. I also enjoy the amber backdrop.  However, there are a few songs I would have chosen before this as the winner.

Another highlight was the performance while tallying votes, where Sweden sends up the competition and the perception of Sweden.

Ultimately, I thoroughly enjoyed watching Eurovision this year, although not as good as previous years. It is a unique spectacle that never fail to be weird, wonderful and fun.

Will Kay is You’re Dripping Egg’s co-creator. His column, Nothing Unnecessary bar the Unnecessary, in which he looks a little to hard at things that just don’t matter, is released every second Wednesday. 

Which song was your favourite? Voice your concerns/support in the comments.