The 2011 Primetime Emmys Virtual Experience by Matilda Dixon-Smith

Posted on September 19, 2011

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People, I do all of this for you. I had to endure the unbelievably irritating “Emmys Backstage Live!” in order to have what could be considered a FULL Emmys Virtual Experience. Can I tell you, there’s a reason why some people don’t get good jobs, and instead they get the job of being locked in a room and making awkward comments about what’s happening backstage at the Emmys for an online feed. This guy, I swear. Anyway, I digress. Since the coverage for the Emmys is on Foxtel in Australia (and I don’t have Foxtel), I’m back for another [Awards Show] Virtual Experience. Okay, let’s just dive in.

The theme for this evening: Neutrals. Really, Hollywood? There was beige, nude and lace. There was white, tan and cream etc. YAWN, folks. I mean they’re (usually) pretty gowns, but they are Dull City.

Heidi Klum.

Heidi in Christian Siriano (former Project Runway winner), looking like a bleached flamenco dancer.

Jayma Mays.

Glee’s Jayma Mays, thankfully looking a little less anorexic, and sporting a porcelin doll pinky-beige number. Her hair is still a fabulous colour, but this dress is signature boring.

Elisabeth Moss.

Elisabeth Moss from Mad Men in beige, beige, beige (with a touch of beading, at least). Ugh.

There was neutral, and then there was SHINY. So many sequins, and beads, and metallics. Considering how sunny and warm it was (Seacrest just kept talking about it on the red carpet), I’m assuming that the Emmys looked like a giant disco ball with all those sequins up in there:

Christina Hendricks.

I feel like Christina Hendricks’ (Mad Men) dress is angry at me. I mean, she’s wonderful, but there is SO much sparkle here (and in a weird target pattern on her tummy).

Julie Bowen.

Emmy winner Julie Bowen from Modern Family totally rocking Oscar de la Renta.

Evan Rachel Wood.

HOT. Evan Rachel Wood (who, bless her, will always make me think of the tween film Little Secrets) looking totally hot in Elie Saab.

Julianna Margulies.

Ill-advised giant clear plastic bead dress on The Good Wife’s gorgeous Emmy winner Julianna Margulies.

For those interested in lashing out against neutral, there was RED (which is, if possible, even more boring than neutral). Here are a couple of snaps of the Scarlet Women’s Brigade:

Kate Winslet.

Kate Winslet (winner in the Best Actress – Miniseries or Movie category): looking curvy and wonderful and, in every shot, in a bad mood.

Nina Dobrev.

Degrassi alum and current Vampire Diaries star Nina Dobrev smouldering in Donna Karan. Smouldering, and probably dying from lack of oxygen. She spent most of the night not admitting (but really admitting) that she and co-star Ian Somerhalder are dating. Really, honey, no one will judge you. He is a rollicking babe.

Lea Michele.

Glee’s Lea Michele is begging to be noticed (as usual) in a Marchesa gown. She was apparently the only person Marchesa dressed for the Emmys. Was it worth it, guys? Perhaps…In any case, outdone (to the extreme) on the red by smokin’ Dobrev (above). Because I read she’s such a She-Devil, this makes me happy.

Here’s some crazy shit I saw:

Joel McHale.

Joel McHale from Community, clearly hoping someone will invite him to the prom in 1974.

Gwyneth Paltrow.

GwynGwyn in Pucci. Oh, GwynGwyn! Midriff and see-through? AND BLACK LACE??

Melissa McCarthy.

Melissa McCarthy (who is sporting the tiara and flowers as part of an Emmy-winner gimmick) designed this dress herself. Can you tell?

Yes. Yes you can tell. It’s an awards show McCarthy, for Christ’s sake!

Zooey Deschanel (presenting with Will Arnett).

She does look pretty, and I am pleased to see colour, but candy-pink-orange-belt-prom-dress-style-beehive-hair is maybe too much. Or maybe it’s great, I can’t decide.

Amy Poehler

Silly Amy, too-tight metallic wetsuits aren’t also gowns. They are too-tight metallic wetsuits.

Vanessa Marano

Vanessa Marano from Switched At Birth wore a dress that is swallowing another dress.

Awards shows are not known for missing the opportunity to do a ridiculous musical number, and the Emmys did about 50 BILLION:

Here’s (host) Jane Lynch’s opening number:

The boys from Lonely Island being really, really ridiculous (as usual):

And the “Emmytones”, Jane Lynch’s singing presenter cronies (look out for Joel McHale, Zachary Levi, Wilmer Valderrama, Cobie Smulders, Kate Flannery and Taraji P. Henderson):

It may have been a mistake to watch the Emmys Backstage Live feed, since the only enjoyment I got out of it was watching Crazy Charlie Sheen awkwardly chatting to Ashton Kutcher (who stole his job at Two And A Half Men) in the green room. All-in-all though, my Emmys Virtual Experience was not bad. The Emmys are a little dry (if we’re being honest) and the fashion was kind of snore-y (no one goes all-out nuts like with other Awards shows), but I had fun, and I hope you did too.

Some Big Winners (for the full list, click here):

Best Comedy Series – Modern Family

Best Drama Series – Mad Men 

Best Reality Series – The Amazing Race

Best Miniseries or Movie – Downton Abbey 

Best Actor in a Drama Series – Kyle Chandler (Friday Night Lights – yay!!)

Best Actress in a Drama Series – Julianna Margulies (The Good Wife)

Best Actor in a Comedy Series – Jim Parsons (The Big Bang Theory)

Best Actress in a Comedy Series – Melissa McCarthy (Mike and Molly)

What did you think of the fashion at the Emmys? Are you a neutrals-supporter? Did you love Dobrev’s banging ensemble? Did you hate GwynGwyn’s midriff number? Do you want a metalic blue wetsuit? Comment below. 

Matilda Dixon-Smith is You’re Dripping Egg’s Editor-in-chief and co-creator. For more stuff like this, have a look at Matilda’s Golden Globes Virtual Experience

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